Every relationship is different- some are wonderful and picture perfect and others might not be as great. With each new relationship, you gain new experiences and new perspectives on what you are looking for in a partner. Past relationships often come with a lot of different experiences- both good and bad. It’s easy to think the best way to handle past relationship baggage is by ignoring it, not telling your new partner details from the past. Keeping these secrets to yourself feels easier- why dig up old feelings by disclosing your past when you can just keep moving forward in your new relationship? Well, that sounds easier on paper but it doesn’t translate well in real life.

Past relationships change us, whether we want to admit it or not. These changes are for better or for worse, but they make up who we are and how we process the world. Our old relationship baggage is part of us and affects the way we know how to interact with our partners and what a healthy relationship looks like. This is why it’s important to share old relationship details with your current partner, even though it seems like the easier thing to do would be to keep it secret.

Communication is so important in relationships. Healthy relationships are built around communication and trust, which is why sharing details about your dating history is important. When you tell them about your baggage, you are telling them about yourself and giving them a better understanding of the way you are. You should be able to trust that telling your partner about your baggage won’t scare them away or make them think differently of you. A healthy partner will accept your baggage and love you regardless of what you have experienced in the past.

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So, now that it’s clear that past relationship secrets should not be kept, the big questions are probably “how much do I tell my current partner?” and “How do I reveal past relationship secrets without making it weird?!”. To answer the first question, tell them whatever you feel comfortable revealing. Communication and trust are important, but if you are not comfortable revealing certain aspects of yourself, do not feel pressure to disclose. Tell your partner your baggage when you are ready, that way you are in the right headspace to discuss whatever you tell them.

The second question is a little harder to answer because it really depends on your relationship with your current partner. For some people, the best way is to have a more formal, sit down conversation about the past. For others, casually mentioning past experiences is what works best. No matter how you bring it up to your partner, it’s a good idea to be open to talk about whatever you tell them. Let them ask questions and learn more about how your past affects you now. Help them use the information you tell them to build trust in the current relationship.

It can be scary to think about revealing past emotional baggage to your current partner. How will they respond? Will they think differently of you once they know your past? It’s natural to feel anxious about the unknown. It’s normal to feel apprehensive about disclosing your past to your partner. Just know that talking about your past is another step for your relationship. Disclosing your baggage helps move the relationship forward and can bring you and your partner closer together. It opens up communication and helps build trust between partners. Good relationships are built on communication, and past relationship secrets should be talked about.

What are your thoughts on past relationship secrets? Tell us in the comments below.

Author Bio: Daryn is a freelancer based in Pittsburgh who is passionate about writing and helping others. She is a social worker by trade and wants to make the world a better place. When she isn't writing or helping people, she can be found in the library or at the gym.

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