Squad Goals - When All Your Friends Are Married
It’s happened to the best of us. You log onto Facebook and scroll through your feed, only to find that not one–but two of your friends have uploaded wedding pictures. To add to the fun, there’s also an engagement announcement, a dating announcement, and photos from your friend’s honeymoon.
If it seems that every day there’s a new couple getting married, don’t worry–you’re not going crazy. Weddings seem to come in seasons. One of your friends will excitedly announce that their long-time boyfriend has purposed, and before you know it, the rest of your friends will follow suit.
Watching your friends ride off into the sunset while you’re left alone in the dust, can make you feel all types of depressed. “What happened?” You might wonder. “Why is everyone getting married?” “What’s wrong with me?” This happens, even if getting married, or finding a husband was never even on the cards or something that you had consciously decided that you wanted to do.
A bout of weddings all at the same time, or one too many acquaintances asking you why you’re not in a serious relationship already can really take a blow to your confidence. Couple this with Aunt Edna’s persistent offers (threats?) to “match you up” with one of her friends from the bingo club, and you’re left with your head in your hands, wishing there was a way to fast-forward the wedding season.
While we can’t give you a fast-forward button, we can offer some helpful tips that will help you to make it through unscathed. Think of this list as your survival kit for wedding season. If you’re experiencing wedding fatigue or wondering how to cope when the last of your girlfriends gets married off, here’s how you can stay strong.
- Don’t Be Jealous
First things first, stop comparing your life to others. Easier said than done, we know, but think about it this way: Marriage–even a relationship, is not a promotion. It’s not a step up into a better life, an exclusive club that you’re missing out on. Not at all. While it’s easy to view others’ lives as more exciting, and better than our own, don’t fall into the trap. Marriage and family can be difficult –and downright exhausting. Remind yourself that you don’t know the ins and outs of another person’s life, so you have no right to be jealous of the good times that get posted on Facebook. Besides, with the divorce rate at an all-time high, there’s no guarantee that they’ve found the right one either! Do yourself a favor and log off–it’ll do wonders for your perspective.
- Shift Your Mindset
Forcing yourself to pretend to be positive can just leave you feeling miserable and empty. “Watching everyone else get married when you’re single is like being on a diet while watching others eat ice cream, which is to say, torturous,” writes Jillian Kramer in her article, How to Survive the Year All Your Friends Get Married. Instead of faking your happiness, try adding a positive spin. Don’t tell yourself, “I have to be happy. Even though I’ll never get married,” instead say, “My friends are having so much fun –I can't wait until it’s my turn!”
- Find New Friends
No, this doesn’t mean that you need to ditch all of your friends one by one as they get married. It does mean opening up your life to new opportunities. Your newlywed friends may be distracted for a while–and that’s ok, but there’s nothing stopping you from making friends with other singles. Find people that you can hang out with, and relate to–ones that you can call up last minute for a night out on the town. The best way to meet new people is by going out and finding others that have similar interests to you. So join a photography group, take some college courses, or sign up for a dance class. You’ll learn a new skill and may even meet some new friends. Open your heart to new people; you won’t regret it.
- Celebrate Singleness
Your engaged and married friends are holding showers and toasting with champagne, why can’t you celebrate your singleness? While you may not be able to hold a singles-shower–as tempting as it may be since your newly-married friends are most likely raking in gifts right now, there’s nothing stopping you from holding your own celebrations. Hosting a singles get-together or even a party is a great way to invite over your unattached friends and have fun. You may not be able to ask for gifts, but really, who needs that many toasters anyways? Embrace the fact that you’re single, it has its perks!
- Don’t Feel Sorry for Yourself
Don’t you start! Don’t even! Being single is not a curse, and it’s most certainly not something to feel ashamed of! As the saying goes, “To a single person, everyone is married, to a married person, everyone is single.” We all want what we don’t have, and feel that others’ lives are so much more exciting than our own. Keep that in mind the next time you’re partying it up, while your married-with-kids friends are stuck at home trying to get the toddlers to sleep.
- Get Out There
There’s nothing good that can come from sitting at home, alone, every night, wistfully clicking through your friends’ wedding photos. Instead, you need to make an effort to get out and have fun. It’s the best way to get your mind off of the fact that it’s wedding season. If you’re feeling down, give the chick flicks a rest. Instead of watching Love Actually, call your friend who always makes you laugh. Then pick yourself up off the floor and get out there!
- Say No
As your friends get married, there’s a seemingly endless parade of events, showers, parties, and weddings to attend. If you’re a bridesmaid, the pressure is further intensified with fittings, shopping trips, events, and more. If you’re feeling wedding-season fatigue, and the thought of being a bridesmaid in yet another wedding is about to do your head in, not to mention, further deplete your quickly dwindling bank account don’t feel pressured into saying yes. There’s nothing wrong with sitting some events out. Instead, save your sanity, and tactfully and politely find ways to decline. “I’d love to be a bridesmaid, and thanks for asking me! But unfortunately, there’s no room in the budget for another destination wedding this year…” You don’t have to attend everything that you’re invited to, so be selective when it comes to the events that you attend. Your sanity’s at stake!
Finally, if you’re feeling down about your friends’ pending nuptials, remember: this too will pass. Wedding season doesn’t last forever, and soon enough the glitz and glamor of wedding bells and honeymoons will be over. Have fun, be nice to yourself, and try to spend time with people who are in the same stage of life as you–enjoy being single, while it lasts!
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