Overcoming Doubt as a Singleton
If you’re single –and very much looking, it’s easy to feel a sense of desperation.
More often than not you may find yourself sitting alone on a Friday night thinking about happy couples that you know, while simultaneously wondering what’s wrong with you –and why you are the only one of your friends who’s still single.
But one of the key problems plaguing anyone today who’s not married, is not the fact that they’re single: instead, it’s self-doubt. You wonder what’s wrong with you –and your well-meaning acquaintances and co-workers, who try all too desperately to set you up with blind dates, or attempt to cheer you up with little quips and antidotes, do little to help the situation, failing to see how patronizing their efforts can be.
As a single person, you don’t need “help” like being single is some major problem that you should figure out already. In fact, being single –in many ways, is one of the best stages of your life. Or, at least, it should be. The freedom that you have is unlimited –your options, boundless –you can live your life exactly as you want to.
The key to truly enjoying your single-status is having the confidence to embrace it. Being single should be celebrated –not looked upon with disdain. In fact, while you may feel like you’re the only one left in the world, over HALF of the dating-age population in America –is currently very much single as well, thank-you-very-much, and many of them are rockin’ it! As Zahra Barnes so eloquently puts it in an article on Self.com, being single isn’t a disease, in fact –“It’s everyone’s default state.” You’re not an oddity, you’re in the majority –and, despite your well-meaning friends’ intentions of matching you up, you don’t have to “settle” or “lower the bar a bit” in order to find love.
With this in mind, let’s take a look at a few ways that you can banish those doubts that every single person finds themselves feeling at one point or another. Read on to see how you can embrace your single status, get rid of the self-doubt, and start exuding confidence that will draw others to you and help you to truly enjoy yourself –no matter what stage of life you’re in.
What’s the one thing that most of us lack –but when you have it, it can transform your outlook and perspective, your life, and even how others perceive you?
Confident people exude energy and life. They’re satisfied with their current position, and know that true happiness is something that they have control over –it doesn’t come from “finding the right person.” Being happy and confident as a single person is one of the best gifts that you can give yourself –and will open up the door to tremendous opportunities as others are drawn to your charisma and charm. Decide for yourself that you will embrace confidence. Tell yourself that you are worth it, and you are perfect as you are –you don’t need someone else to complete you. Check out this self-confidence formula for some practical tips to boost your self-esteem.
Decide What Confidence Looks Like
Next, if you want to be more confident –it’s important to decide for yourself what, exactly confidence looks like.
Start by recognizing that it doesn’t matter what others think of you –it really doesn’t! Instead, it’s what you tell yourself that will make a real difference in your life. Easier said than done, we know –but it’s vitally important. To create a completely self-assured version of yourself, start making a list detailing exactly what confidence looks like to you. Maybe it means changing your look –or talking to one stranger per week. Challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Then get out there and do it! It’ll help to build your confidence, and get you on your way.
Remember, confident people don’t hinge their happiness on what others think of them. If you’re nervous to ask a guy out because you’re afraid of rejection, remind yourself that confident people don’t fear rejection –you’re absolutely fabulous as you are in every sense of the word, and if he turns you down, it’s his loss –not yours. At first, it may feel a bit odd, but keep practicing self-assurance. In time, you will become a truly confident person.
List Your Attributes
Ok, ok –we all know that bragging endlessly about yourself is an irritating trait –thanks Gaston!
But acknowledging your attributes doesn’t mean that you have to shout them from the rooftops, or attempt to casually work your self-praise into your conversations, instead, it’s all about taking the time to acknowledging your attributes privately –to yourself. All too often our self-talk is negative, demeaning, and downright wrong! Instead of being your own worst critic, try giving it a rest. Instead, write a list of your best traits and attributes, and let these things define you. Let go of the pressure to be perfect –and instead, celebrate who you are. Be proud of yourself!
Being grateful may sound a bit trite, but there are more benefits to expressing gratitude than you might think.
If you’re not completely satisfied with your life, try being thankful. “Gratitude is a lasting feeling that sustains you longer than other fleeting sensations,” says Tom Casano, CEO and Founder of Life Coach Spotter. “When you practice gratitude, you take time to appreciate the things that you’re thankful for in your life. And this means that you won’t be longing as much for what’s missing in your life, because you won’t pay as much attention to it.”
Positive thoughts can be extremely beneficial have on your subconscious –and your confidence as well. There are also studies that show a correlation between gratitude, and resilience to setbacks. Being able to recognize the good things in life can be truly beneficial –and will make you an enjoyable person to be around! Try starting a gratitude journal –write down what you’re thankful for every day. It’ll remind you that you’re already successful –there’s no need to seek outside approval.
Take Care of Yourself
Treat yourself right! Decide to do something nice for yourself. Get some new makeup, and have a skilled artist or a friend, show you some new tricks. Or, update your hair –many women don’t change their hairstyle for a few years at a time. Getting a new style or changing your color can give you a fresh new look, and a confidence boost. If you’ve been meaning to hit the gym –or try a new weightlifting or aerobics class for a while, now’s the time to do so. Take care of yourself, do nice things for yourself, and treat yourself right. Go to the spa, buy those new shoes, or take candle-lit bubble baths. The act of self-care can improve self-esteem. You’ll feel –and look like a million bucks.
Focus on Self-Improvement
Take the time to learn something that you’ve always wanted to –no matter how niche it may be. Learn to code, take a photography course, study ancient civilizations –whatever it is that you’ve always been interested in. If you’re stuck, check out the courses at your community college to see what they offer. Mastering something new can do wonders for your confidence –and will benefit your mind as well. Plus, getting out there and learning new things will open up the chance to meet other singles who are interested in the same things you are. Who knows, you may hit it off with someone. And if you don’t, you will still have the benefit of learning something new; so there’s no pressure. Not too bad!
Don’t Knock Yourself
Finally, all too often, we are our own worst critics. We beat ourselves up for everything –and feel that we have to be absolutely perfect in almost every way in order to be attractive to someone.
For women, this issue is particularly acute. The fact is, though, that perfection is an elusive dream, and chasing it will result in stress, frustration, and wasted time. Don’t feel that you have to wait until everything’s perfect to ask someone out, or before you can start a new chapter in life. Don’t wait. Instead, make a plan and get there.
It’s easy to feel as though you are lacking as a singleton –especially when the pressure’s on –but it’s important to remind yourself that you don’t need to live up to anyone’s expectations –including well-meaning relatives to regularly ask you if you’ve, “met someone yet.” What will make you happy isn’t doing what society expects you to do, but instead, being happy with yourself as you are –whether you’re single, or plus-one.
While being in a relationship can be a wonderful thing; it’s not the only thing in life –and it’s certainly not the way to find happiness. You don’t need a significant other in order to feel good about yourself or happy about life in general. If you’re single: embrace it! After all, the open road is before you. You can do whatever you want on a Friday night, and have freedom that couples just don’t have. The world is full of endless potential, and there are few things more attractive than a single person who’s confident in who they are.
So get out there and have fun –thoroughly enjoy your single status. And when you’re ready to meet like minded singles, check out Zepeel - the video-based dating site that’s making it easy to meet people.
Other single ladies –or men, share your tips for overcoming doubt as a singleton!